Something Isn’t Right

By my second birthday, my parents were starting to suspect that something was terribly wrong. As my mom learned more about the risks of immunizations, the pieces started to fall into place. Thankfully, this realization came before my younger sister was born in 2001, possibly sparing her from the same experience.

One of the biggest challenges in piecing all this together over two decades later is distinguishing between random illnesses and potential vaccine reactions.

All I know is that when I was two years old, I developed a mysterious fever that suddenly spiked to 107°—seemingly out of nowhere. My mom managed to bring it down quickly, but by the time they got me to the ER, I was completely unresponsive. I was kept in the hospital overnight; the medical staff gave me IV fluids because my blood sugar had dropped to dangerously low levels—yet no one could explain why.

After that, my health began to decline. I started losing weight, constantly complained of phantom leg pains, and always seemed to have a stomachache. My overall well-being, physically and emotionally, continued to deteriorate.

Staring Spells

One of my earliest childhood memories is the time I experienced my first absence seizure, though no one recognized these for what they were. The experience was terrifying for both my parents and me. My mom always described them as staring spells—when it happened, I looked straight through them, unresponsive and unable to react.

Little did they know that I was desperately trying to respond to their frightened pleas. I was paralyzed—I could see and hear my parents, but it was like I was trapped inside my own body. I fought with everything I had to respond, but my body refused to obey. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force a single sound past my lips.

It was, without a doubt, one of the most traumatic experiences of my childhood. I felt utterly helpless—alone and disconnected from the people around me. To this day, I can still see the panic in my mother’s eyes as she tried to reach me.

Sight and Sound

Somewhere along the way, I started experiencing eyesight and hearing issues. I remember staring at my mom and asking her why I could “see two mommies.” She immediately scheduled an appointment with an eye doctor who diagnosed me with amblyopia (commonly known as lazy eye). My eyesight has improved slightly since then, but it will never be fully restored.

All of my older siblings received far fewer immunizations, and none of my younger siblings received any. After what happened to me, my parents decided to stop immunizations altogether, so my younger siblings were all spared.

Do You Hear What I Hear

I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I didn’t lose my hearing completely. While I can manage without hearing aids, if necessary, I’ve worn them since I was about three or four years old. Still, there are certain tones and pitches to which I am completely deaf.

One day, after getting my first pair of hearing aids, I watched as my mother wet the hairbrush to do my hair. Surprised, I looked up at her and said, “I never knew water made a sound!”

Mood Swings

Beginning around age two, I started experiencing intense mood swings and was easily overwhelmed by crowds, too much activity, or what I perceived as chaos. This is particularly difficult for me to write about because I remember the intense feeling of shame over not being able to control my emotions.

I obsessed over the smallest of issues, often becoming irrational and crying for hours on end over things that were out of my control. My meltdowns became a regular part of my family’s life, never knowing when or how something might set me off.

I love my siblings dearly, and it breaks my heart to know how this affected our relationships during childhood. I know they often felt like they were walking on eggshells around me.

I was a socially awkward child with a lot of anxiety, and I deeply longed for connection. But because of my OCD tendencies, I had a hard time making friends. I tended to be demanding and “bossy” towards my peers if we weren’t playing exactly how I wanted to play.

I now realize that I was often forcing people to do things my way, without considering their feelings—unintentionally hurting them in the process. (To those who are still my friends after all of this, you’re the real MVP. I’m genuinely sorry for quite literally forcing y’all to participate in all of my princess plays. 🫠)

Thinning Hair

In addition to the weight loss and dark circles under my eyes, my hair became thin and fragile. Once, when I was playing with my baby sister, she tugged on my hair, and an entire handful came out in her hand. My mom said it was like spider web hair. It wasn’t until after we found a doctor who figured out what was going on with me that my parents realized my body was having trouble absorbing nutrients.

In 2001, when I was around three years old, we discovered I was highly allergic to wheat and gluten. I still have reactions if I’m not careful, so I continue to follow a gluten-free diet (although my symptoms have changed somewhat since then). Did you know that a vaccine-injured child with food allergies can find themselves in withdrawals? That was me. Your body can crave what it shouldn’t have like it’s a drug.

My mom says it’s because of me that our family dove into a healthier lifestyle. Going all-natural was her way of trying to figure out how to help me heal whatever had happened to me. Since I was so sensitive to chemicals, certain foods, and even OTC drugs, she became a professional “label reader” and began researching homeopathy, herbs, essential oils, alternative healing, and detoxed our home of chemicals that might set me off.

Our family diet even changed. No more gluten, preservatives, food dyes, MSG, high fructose corn syrup, or processed foods. Instead of eating fruity pebbles, taquitos, and goldfish, our family ate things like quinoa, raw milk, and homemade kefir.

Reaction to Pharmaceuticals

To this day, my body reacts poorly to food dyes, chemicals like MSG, and most medications—which is especially alarming considering I needed multiple doses of life-saving Pitocin during both of my emergency postpartum hemorrhages.

After my first child was born, I needed two rounds of lidocaine before getting stitched up—only for my body to still reject it, forcing me to feel every single stitch. Then, there was my kidney infection. We tried two different antibiotics, and I had severe allergic reactions to both. Those are just a few examples of my body resisting or rejecting medicine that was meant to help me. It’s as if my body still believes it’s being poisoned.

Over time, I’ve learned how to manage the lingering effects of my vaccinations. I no longer experience seizures, hair loss, weight loss, or the leg and stomach pains that once plagued me. While I still have eyesight issues and my hearing will never be the same, I know it could have been so much worse.

I still struggle with anxiety and OCD tendencies almost daily, but I’ve found ways to deal with my emotions naturally with a selection of essential oils and breathing techniques. Slowly, I’ve learned to let go and put the needs of others before my own. Through God’s grace, I’ve learned to surrender control to Him, breathe and pray through my emotions, and navigate my frustrations or fears with faith.

I don’t have to be the one in control, and I am not alone. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful, precious children, and I am surrounded by an incredible community of kind, uplifting people. I never want to take that blessing for granted.

This journey has been long and painful for both me and my family, but through it all, God always remained faithful. I am still learning, still researching, and still finding ways to heal—but I truly believe I am on a healthy path, and for that, I am so incredibly grateful.

Thank you to everyone who has walked this road with me, especially my family\. We’ve endured so much together to get here; through it all, y’all never gave up on me.

If you’re the parent of a vaccine-injured child, please have compassion for yourself. You didn’t know what you didn’t know—but now, you have the power to make a difference. Your story is valuable. Your experience can help someone else. Use your voice as a force for good.

If you or a loved one has been vaccine-injured, please know you are not alone. I stayed silent for too long, but I’ve learned that my voice matters—and so does yours. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. Drop a note in the comments below and, if you’d like to learn more about what has helped me on my journey, just reach out.